you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
