Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
