3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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