@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
