be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
