Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
