the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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