so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
