I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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