I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
