i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
