you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
