All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
