Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
