There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
