i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
