haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
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