your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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