Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
