piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
