I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I puked a lego.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
