May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
