i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
