I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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