He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
