so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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