What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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