i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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