i would punch a child for taco bell
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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