you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
