soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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