Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
my liver is dry heaving
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
