Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
