My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
