i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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