Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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