Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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