My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
