My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just pee around me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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