im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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