If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
vagina is talking i cant
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
