So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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