talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
