Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
