I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
