Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
