i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
