from now on my penis is your penis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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