I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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