Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
