i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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