I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
