Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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