just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
