I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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