just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
